Only Because I Love You
by austinspancakes
Summary: "He touches you in ways that no girl should ever be touched; I'm going to fucking kill him, Ally. You mean the world to me, and I'm sick of hiding my feelings. The second I see your loser of a boyfriend I'm going to make him wish he never laid a finger on you." / sucky description. auslly, trez/ contains mentions of self harm, depression, anxiety, domestic abuse. little OOC (maybe)
1. Chapter 1

It had to be at least two in the morning, there was no light in Ally Dawson's bedroom, however the couple remained silent on her carpeted floor, Austin's back against her bed as Ally's petite frame sat in his lap. The silence wasn't awkward, it was far from it, Austin wrapped his arms around her petite frame, her head resting on his chest, inhaling his boyish scent.

Tonight had been worse than any other night. Usually, Ally would call Austin up at ungodly times in the morning because she was having a panic attack and she didn't feel comfortable with her dad, so he would sit on the other end of the phone, helping her through it and whispering her words of comfort in his sleepy, yet alarmed, state.

However, when Ally called Austin tonight, she was crying and freaking out worse than usual, and since her dad wasn't home, she couldn't do anything. Never in her life had she experienced a panic attack as bad as the one she had had half an hour ago, she was almost screaming as she begged for him to come over.

Of course Austin came over. With every cry down the phone that came his way as he quickly drove to her house, his heart broke even more and he became even more determined to sit with her through her panic attack. He was nervous; he had never seen her have a panic attack in person before, he had only heard her desperate cries, heavy breathing and freaking out over the phone at three am- he didn't know what to expect.

When he turned up, he didn't bother going through the front door as he knew it was locked and Ally was upstairs in her bedroom, so he climbed up the tree in her back garden and through her window which was open ready for him to come through. His best friend remained in the corner of the room, her knees pulled up to her chest as she rocked herself back and forth, her breaths heavy and tears streaming down her face.

Austin, the very first day he found out Ally had anxiety, looked up how to help someone having a panic attack- so he knew faintly the basics of what to do. He asked her whether she needed space or not, and Ally shook her head, reaching her arms out and wrapping them around his neck. He whispered sweet words of comfort into her ear, not asking what had happened since it could trigger another panic attack, rubbing her back and letting her cry on his shoulder.

He wondered why Ally didn't call her boyfriend, Dallas, since they had been dating for about two and a half years now. He had had a crush on his best friend since the moment he lay eyes on her at Sonic Boom three summers ago. In fact, there three-year friendship anniversary was in four days. Austin hated Dallas with a burning passion; he knew that there was something wrong with the guy.

"I-I," she let out a shaky breath. "Oh my God, Austin. I can't breathe, it hurts, I can't-" Austin didn't say anything, he just hushed her, pulling out a cold water bottle from his backpack that he had in his car for emergencies. She took a sip, her hands shaking and her heart beating so much that Austin could feel in thumping against his chest. It wasn't like a normal heart beat- it was like someone knocking frantically on a door over and over.

It lasted half an hour- the longest half an hour of both of their entire lives until Ally had managed to calm down with the help of Austin. Now they just remained on the floor at two in the morning, cuddling each other, more like a couple than best friends. But secretly, neither of them minded, they both wanted to help each other and love each other in more ways than just a best friend can do, ever since they day that they first met.

Yes, Ally liked Austin; she knew that it was terribly wrong to not love the man she had been dating for the past two and a half years, however she had always had a small crush on Austin for the past three years. Dating Dallas got rid of her crush, but recently her feelings started to return as Dallas became more distant.

He remembered the first time he found her having a panic attack. They were both only fifteen and he walked into the practice room only to find her rocking back and forth, breathing loudly, her hands tugging at her hair. They had only been friends for about two months, but since then he had vowed that he would help her every time she had a panic attack- and he had kept his word up to date.

The blonde teenager wanted to know why she had panic attacks and such bad anxiety, he wanted to know why she was so scared of the world when it was so beautiful and why she wasn't confident when _she_ was so beautiful. He had looked up on Google causes for anxiety and the website that came up just said a bunch of rubbish about how it wasn't sure but it could be stress, biologically, low self-esteem, personal weakness, character flaws and a bunch of scientific words that Austin didn't understand.

So of course he couldn't ask the scared brunette in his arms why she was the way she was, because chances are, she didn't know how she developed anxiety disorder. She said she'd had it since she was around twelve, but that didn't come as much use for Austin. His closest guess was that she had an extremely low self-esteem and was constantly cautious of what other people thought of her, so she would dwell on it for hours at end and panic about it.

Austin knew that even Dallas didn't know about her awful panic attacks and how it was _him_ that she always called to help her at three in the morning or two in the afternoon. It was _him_ that she trusted with her secret- that she had an anxiety disorder. And every time Dallas would brag about how he had Ally, he wanted to brag about how Ally trusted him more than Dallas, however he respected Ally and girls in general far too much.

Sometimes he pondered why Ally didn't trust Dallas with her anxiety disorder. They always told each other that they loved each other- did that not mean that he would love her unconditionally, anxiety disorder or not? He dared to ask Ally once, and she just shrugged. She didn't say much, something about it being embarrassing and that Austin's gentler with her. That just made him think more; did Dallas get angry with her often?

He couldn't help but worry and be over protective over his best friend that he loved so much. Austin was willing to do anything for her. Trish and Dez had even came up with a name for how Austin reacted; over protective best friend mode. They would always exchange glances when Austin became enraged with a guy hitting on his best friend, or when she looked ill he wouldn't stop worrying. He cared too much about her.

He wasn't sure why most of her panic attacks where at three in the morning, he wasn't even sure why she was up at three in the morning. Austin would always be in bed warm and comfy by at least ten, maybe text Ally or Dez for a while and then go to sleep afterwards. But it had become a routine for him to wake up every other day from Ally's scared phone calls, and lately his body had adjusted itself to wake up at half past two, just before when she called most nights.

Austin wasn't mad at Ally for making him so tired in the mornings; he could never be mad at the girl that he loved so dearly. He'd rather be tired in the morning than know that Ally was upset and scared and he was just sleeping through it. To help and hear Ally calm down through the phone about three nights a week made him feel proud.

His phone buzzing on the floor beside him brought him back from his thoughts and he saw that his parents were texting him, asking where he was.

 _Sorry mum, Ally has an anxiety disorder (please don't tell her I told you or tell anyone else) and her dads away so she had no one and she was having a really bad panic attack so I went over to help her._

 ** _Okay, honey. I hope you're not lying to me otherwise I will be very disappointed Austin Moon. Be home tomorrow by ten x_**

"D-Do you want me to stay the night, Alls?" Austin hesitated to ask, feeling butterflies in his stomach as he watched her nod, sniffle and stand up. Since the both of them were already in their pyjamas, Ally took his hand and pulled him into her bed, cuddling his chest as she pulled the blankets over them. "A-Are you sure you don't want me to sleep on the floor?"

"You're my best friend and I need you," she whispered against Austin's chest, her arms wrapped around his torso as he moved his arms to wrap around her petite frame, their legs tangled together under the sheets. As Austin rested his chin on her head gently, the only noise in the room was Ally's fan buzzing by her open window since it was summer in Miami and her soft snores as she drifted to sleep.

Ally woke up the next morning, stretching her arms slightly to wake herself up. The sun was beating down through the window since she hadn't closed her curtains last night and it had to already be around seventy degrees in the room. She felt calm as she watched Austin sleep beside her before realising something.

She wasn't wearing any makeup. No, it wasn't about what Austin thought about her beauty and how she looked; it was about the scars and bruises across her body that he couldn't see last night since it was so dark. A feeling of dread was placed on her shoulders and she felt like weights were in her stomach as she rushed to the bathroom, gently pulling herself away from Austin's tight grip on her body.

Once she was in the bathroom she looked in the mirror at the fucked up mess that was herself. Bruises of every colour, scars, cuts and burns of every shade and width were dotted around her body, making her feel _ugly_. She quickly applied all of her moisturisers and creams before putting on her makeup so that she didn't get spots or bad skin.

After around fifteen minutes Ally looked at herself in the mirror with a smile of satisfaction on her small face. She put on some lipstick, not too dark, some mascara and light eyeshadow, and finally brushed her teeth before leaving the room to find Austin sat up, a confused and sleepy look on his face.

"Good morning, Austin." She smiled, like nothing from last night had happened. Austin just blinked a couple of times, running a hand through his hair and looking around the room, taking everything in. "I'm about to get dressed so you can use the shower if you would like."

He nodded, a small smile on his face as he gave her a quick hug and wondered down the hallway, locking himself in the bathroom. Ally took this as an opportunity to quickly rip off her clothes and put on some black skinny jeans, wedges and a red and black plaid shirt. She sprayed a little bit of her perfume and deodorant before going downstairs and starting to make pancakes for Austin.

It was the least that she could do for him since he came over last night and stayed with her until he knew that she was okay. Ally made the pancakes into different shapes, only she found them really difficult so she just settled with love heart shapes. Austin came downstairs, squealing at the sight of the pancakes being flipped in front of him.

"Where did you get those clothes from?" Ally asked him when she placed a plate of eight heart pancakes in front of him. Austin was dressed in a white muscle tee that stuck to his body (and damn was Ally having trouble not staring at the beautiful creation in front of her), blue jeans and his favourite high tops, with his hair finished to perfection, topping off his whole look.

"My mum always makes me leave a backpack with stuff in it in case my car breaks down in the middle of nowhere so I have clothes, food, drink and other stuff. That's why I had the water bottle for you last night," he smiled at me as he began to eat his pancakes. "Hmm, these are so good Ally!" He raised an eyebrow. "Heart pancakes? Does someone have a crush on me?" He joked, winking.

"Ha, no!" Ally laughed, trying to sound convincing. Luckily it worked because Austin just laughed too, despite the fact that it had really took a blow to his heart. He sunk into his chair, trying not to seem disappointed as he carried on eating the delicious pancakes on the plate before him. He tried not to take it to heart, after all, what had he expected? They had broken up four months ago, it wasn't like she liked him back- she was dating Dallas for goodness sake.

Besides, he said it in a joking manner anyway- it's not like he expected her to confess her undying love for him then and there and for them to get married and have babies called Calum and Cara. It was a joke- she didn't like him like he liked her, she responded exactly how he knew she would respond and he was being pathetic. But deep down it still hurt that he knew that they didn't have a future together other than being best friends.

Austin had been so deep in thought that he hadn't noticed Ally get up and go and get herself a drink of organic orange juice, pouring him a glass. He thanked her as she sat down, smiling at him and taking out her song book, writing a couple of lines in there. He hadn't seen her song book in ages, she always seemed to leave it at home for the past five months. She always used to have it with her, wherever they were, even on the beach.

Sometimes, not lately however, Austin and Ally would sit behind the piano in the practice room, where Ally often taught children how to play different instruments, and mess around, writing random songs- some serious, some just stupid ones about rude stuff that they would show Trish and Dez and the four of them would laugh and perform them to each other. However, what was said in the practice room never left the practice room- it was like a law between the four best friends.

"What's the time?" Austin suddenly asked her as he finished up his pancakes and orange juice.

Ally looked at the watch on her wrist, "Ur, it's quarter to ten, why?"

"My parents want me home by ten, will you be okay if I leave you now?" He asked, standing up, tucking his chair under the table and putting his things in the sink.

"Of course," Ally smiled, hugging him goodbye at the front door. "Trish and I are going shopping and then for lunch anyway. Maybe you and Dez can come for lunch around one?"

"Sounds great, bye Alls." He kissed her forehead, something they always did, and rushed out the door into his car, driving down the road since he was going to be late home.

Ally sighed as she closed the door, lifting up the sleeves of her plaid shirt to rub her wrists gently. The scars on them ached, they had been aching since her last relapse; seven O'clock last night. She thought that she would be fine; that she could live her life without wanting to hurt herself because of him. But she was wrong. No matter how hard she tried to love herself, she couldn't.

She told herself a long time ago that she deserved it. Around the time that it started happening, she would do it so she felt control. Anxiety is a flaw; anxiety gives you no control, you can't help feeling scared even in the safety of your own home, the panic attacks just consume and take over your life. She couldn't control him, she couldn't control her anxiety, her friends, her parents, or anything else in the world except the pain that she made herself feel. The pain that she wanted to feel because _she_ inflicted it, _she_ did it to herself.

Ally Dawson was dangerous. Not to others, but herself. She could pull out the blade from a sharpener anytime she wanted and cut herself, make her feel control and the pain that she **_thought she deserved. Telling Austin about her anxiety disorder was enough, she couldn't_** handle to see the pain in his eyes if she told him that she hated herself to the point where she felt the need to permanently damage and harm herself.

Ally's phone buzzed in her hands, snapping her out of her train of thoughts as she read her text message.

 _I've been waiting at sonic boom for ten minutes now. Normally I'm the one that's always late. The first time I show up on time and you're late! – Trish_

 ** _Sorry, Trish. Austin only just left :/ I'm on my way :-) – Ally_**

 _Austin stayed the night!? Did you break up with Dallas? – Trish_

 ** _No! I love Dallas. – Ally_**

 _The sooner you leave him the better- Trish_

 ** _I'm not leaving Dallas, Trish. I love him like you love Dez. – Ally_**

 _I love Dez one hundred times more than you love Dallas and you know it Ally. The sooner you break up with him the quicker you're free and he won't hurt you anymore. I'm sick of having_ _ **to cover for you and watching all these bruises appear on your body! – Trish**_

 ** _But I love him- Ally_**

 _Clearly your idea of love is kind of fucked up then- Trish_

 ** _He treats me like a princess! – Ally_**

 _Yeah, if he treats you like a princess then he must be Bowser. – Trish_

 ** _He bought me a necklace a couple days ago- Ally_**

 _To replace the one that Austin gave you because he was mad at you for wearing Austin's and not his. And then what did he do? Huh Ally? -Trish_

 ** _I don't want to talk… or text about it Trish, the past is in the past – Ally_**

 _Yeah well you need to start thinking about your future too. You're not going to get anywhere with an abusive boyfriend beating you every time you say something wrong or talk to your best friend – Trish_

 ** _I'm dealing with it. I'll be there in a few- Ally_**

Trish sat at the food court, drinking from her strawberry milkshake, furiously texting her naïve best friend with the other hand. She wondered what happened to Ally. Ally signed petitions to stop domestic abuse, she fought for equal female rights, Ally was a feminist. And now she makes up excuses for her boyfriend beating her up? It wasn't the Ally that Trish knew.

She sat there, waiting for Ally to turn up, debating whether to screenshot and send their conversation to Austin.

 **Hey guys, Alisha here!**

 **I am fully aware that this chapter was fucking awful and I'm doing my best to make up a good plot for the rest of the story. This is just kind of a chapter that tells you what exactly is going on behind closed doors, Austin and Ally's relationship and who knows what.**

 **The next chapter should have some drama in it, however I am debating whether this story is just going to a flop as I have more Austin and Ally ideas that are much more exciting than this and I really want to write them.**

 **Anyways, hope you guys have a great new year!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey Trish," Ally beamed as she walked over to her best friend who was sat alone at a small table in the middle of the mall food court, staring blankly at her phone. Trish snapped back to reality, smiling at her best friend.

"Hey, Ally." She smiled back, though her guilty thoughts from earlier kept annoying her from the back of her head. "I already ordered you your chocolate M&M milkshake and some large fries for us to share."

"Thanks Trish," Ally gave her a grateful look.

"So…" Trish stalled, a small smirk on her face as she finally put her phone down on the table. She had decided not to text Austin. It was for Ally to tell him, not her. "Why was Austin at your house last night? And why did he only leave at ten O'clock this morning?" She raised an eyebrow.

Ally blushed, "I had a nightmare and Austin was awake on his phone and he came over to help and ended up falling asleep. That's all," she shrugged as if it was no big deal. "Though please don't say anything to Dallas. You know how protective he gets,"

"Protective my ass. Austin is protective, Ally; Dallas- he's obsessive! Austin has his best interest in you all the time but Dallas is a selfish dick that only thinks about himself." Trish rolled her eyes before mumbling under her breath, "Might as well call him DallASS."

Ally heard and couldn't help but snort, only straightening up quickly afterwards and glaring at the small Latino. Trish just shrugged, an innocent smile tracing her lips as the waiter came and placed their drinks and fries down on the table. Ally thanked them and they left.

The weather in Miami was terribly hot, probably around ninety degrees at least, and she had started to regret wearing the plaid shirt and skinny jeans. However, she couldn't wear any shirts at the moment due to the bruises on her pale, milky arms.

Trish and Ally sat at the food court for a good hour and a half, just talking about nothing and whatever, enjoying the girl time they had alone with each other. Don't get them wrong, they both loved the boys so much, however from time to time it was nice to be able to talk about girly things without boys listening in- and the boys probably felt the same too.

A pair of hands covered Ally's eyes and she smiled a little, though she wanted to cry. She was putting on the "good girlfriend act" otherwise Dallas would probably beat her later on. He pulled the cheesy and boring, "guess who", before she pulled the cheesy, "Harry Styles?" and they both laughed and very _cheesily_ gave each other a quick peck on the lips.

Trish watched in discomfort, hating the fact that the guy who abused her best friend was standing in front of her, being all romantic and cheesy with her, acting like they were a couple from some chick flick, being all perfect and happy. Never in her life had she wanted anything more than to beat the living daylights out of the six-foot asshole in front of her.

But Ally "loved" him. Ally didn't know the meaning of love. Although Ally herself would never admit it, here's what Trish think went on: Ally, being the young, naïve, sweet fifteen-year-old girl she was had the biggest crush on Dallas Rodriguez, the guy from across the mall. After he asked her out, she thought that he was perfect, her life was perfect, everything was rainbows and sunshine. However, a few years down the line, after he had convinced her that he was the only one that would ever love her and she was too ugly for someone else to love, he beat her. However, of course, she stayed with him, claiming that she was in love with the dickhead, but in reality, she was insecure and thought that if she left him then everything would be worse than it already is.

When Trish looked back up from her Twix milkshake, Dallas and Ally were full on making out right in front of her, and she felt anger surge through her like a lightning bolt. Oh how she wanted to pull them apart and smash his face into the concrete ground and then force Austin and Ally into a room together for the rest of their lives. Trish cleared her throat and Dallas and Ally pulled away from each other, Dallas with an annoyed look on his face.

"If you don't mind, _Dallas_ , Ally and I would like to continue our lunch in peace- without any interruptions from the male species. _Girls only_ ," She spat the words with such venom that Dallas' eyes darkened, and she knew that he knew that she knew about him hitting Ally.

"I'll see you later, _babe_." He smirked, leaning down and kissing her on the cheek before cockily walking away. Ally let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding until now. Trish just sighed, shaking her head at her best friend.

"He's no good for you, Alls." Trish spoke, no longer sounding angry; now only distressed and scared for her best friend. "All you have to day is say the words. Austin will fucking beat his ass and then you're free. You won't have to be scared of him anymore or be bea-"

"I. Love. Him." Ally spat. Trish had never seen her best friend so angry. "I love Dallas more than you think. It's my fault, he's just going through some bad stuff at the moment. So leave my relationship alone and drop this conversation."

"Okay," Trish frowned a little. She didn't know what to say. Someone had finally stood up to here pressuring and commandments and it had been her best friend. Ally fucking Dawson- the most innocent, peaceful girl she knew. "Just- just tell me what you love about him."

Ally sighed, thinking for a moment.

"You don't love him," Trish stated simply, staring at her blankly. "You could ask me what I loved about Dez and I could answer without hesitation, some cheesy fucking smile crossing my face and pour my damn heart out."

"People have different ways of expressing love, Trish. Who are you, Mrs fucking Love Doctor?"

"Beating someone isn't love, Ally. It's abuse! It's only going to be so long before you end up in a hospital bed with stitches and a broken Austin. Your idea of love must be pretty fucked up if I may say so myself. And I'm not Mrs Fucking Love Doctor, but I am fucking the Love Doctor, so don't try and tell me that love is abuse- because it's far from it."

Ally stared at Trish, tears in her large, brown eyes before storming away, not knowing what to say. Trish felt a little bad. She didn't know exactly what was going on behind closed doors. Ally obviously didn't like Dallas hurting her; that's why she called Trish up crying after each time it happened.

She looked up when she heard someone sit down in front of her, expecting it to be Ally to say sorry or something, only to see Austin and Dez sitting in the small chairs, smiles on both their faces.

"Hey babe!" Dez chirped kissing her cheek.

"Where's Ally?" Austin looked around, trying to find his favourite brunette.

"She left," Trish said solemnly with no emotion in her voice. "Don't ask why, I don't exactly know. I think Dallas texted her or something." She lied through her teeth, watching as Austin rolled his eyes.

"She's always going off with Dallas. I hate him," Austin sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I just want to make her happy. If her being with him makes her happy then I should be. So why am I not happy? Why don't I smile when she smiles and talks about him?"

"Because you're in love with her," Dez put a hand on his best blonde friend's shoulder, letting out a dramatic sigh. "When you're in love with someone, seeing them happy is great, it makes you happy, but seeing the person you love with someone else making them happy, it sucks. You want to be the one that makes them happy and stay up at night talking about with their best friend. But unfortunately in this case you have been, what they call, friend-zoned."

"Friend-zoned?"

"Friend-zoned," Dez confirmed with a nod.

"How do you get out of the friend-zone."

Dez looked at Trish, a knowing smile on his face, his green eyes twinkling. "You make them realise how much better you are then the other person. Maybe even kiss them, show them what they're missing."

"I can't kiss Ally," Austin exclaimed. "So many things could go wrong. What if the kiss is a fail? What if she really, really loves Dallas? What if it makes things awkward? What if-"

"What if you shut the fuck up and listen for a second?" Trish snaps, rolling her eyes. "I'm pretty sure you can kiss Ally well-"

"I don't know how to kiss," he admits, blushing and looking down at the ground.

Both Dez and Trish's eyes widened, a shocked look on their face. "You've never kissed anyone?" Dez asked.

"No," Austin mumbled, his cheeks burning. "I've never even had a girlfriend. The only girl I have ever liked is Ally. All I want is Ally and I can't have her because the Justin Bieber wannabe has her."

"I think it's romantic." Trish smiled, trying to comfort him a little. "Ally would certainly find it romantic that you waited for your first kiss unlike a lot of hormonal fifteen-year-old teenage boys."

"If it makes you feel any better, buddy, I didn't have my first kiss until I was with Trish." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling them closer together.

Austin sighed a little. He had been sure that he would have his first girlfriend and kiss before Dez, he was sure when the foursome met each other that he would get together with Ally before Dez got together true. However, he was wrong about both things and it sucked.

Austin wasn't normally a cheesy guy. He wouldn't normally read blogs on "How to Get the Girl" or "How to Make Your Best Friend Fall in Love with You" however for Ally he would do anything. He would stay up for her, which would have been a big no-no for years ago when they hadn't met, he would help her get a boyfriend, that he hated, just to see a smile on her face. He never expected them to last two and a half years.

"Austin," a hand clicked in front of his face. "If you're looking for Ally she's other there." Dez pointed. Austin looked over to see Dallas standing in front of Ally, a small smile on both their faces as they spoke, a firm grip on her wrist. Austin looked at them both. Dez nodded, "Go talk to her. Just say it's important,"

Austin took a deep breath before standing up and slowly walking over to them. _You're Austin Moon, you can do anything if you really want to. You can get Ally Dawson. You can do anything._ When he got close enough to them he heard them talking.

 _"_ _I just don't agree with you hanging out with them,"_

 _"_ _Don't tell me who I can and cannot be friends with. They're my best friends!"_

 _"_ _Two of them are males. And one of them obviously likes you,"_ Austin could see the eye roll.

 _"_ _What if I was a lesbian or bisexual? Would you still let me hang out with Trish?"_

 _"_ _Don't fucking push it, Dawson. Or I'll-"_

"Or you'll what?" Austin stood in front of Ally, towering over Dallas. "I don't think you should ever threaten a woman, let alone your girlfriend. Or tell them who they can and cannot be friends with. Ally's a young, smart, sensible woman; she can make her own choices."

Dallas growled, "I wasn't going to do anything." He snapped, "I was just talking to my girlfriend." He tried to push Austin out of the way but the blonde stood strong and proud.

"Go home, Dallas." Austin spoke calmly. Dallas glared at Austin one more time before flipping him off and walking away from the two best friends, his fists balled up in anger. Austin turned around. "Are you okay? He didn't touch you did he? I swear to God if he ever touched you I-"

"He didn't touch me," Ally said nervously. "Thanks for defending me, Austin. Dallas can get a little jealous sometimes." She hugged him, wrapping her arms around his waist as he rest his head on her shoulder.

"But he didn't touch you? Not a scratch?"

"Not a scratch,"

 **Sorry that his chapter was pretty short; I haven't been able to fix the review problem yet but I logged onto my old email and managed to read some of them. I'm so glad that a lot of you are enjoying this as much as I am writing it!**

 **Thanks to everyone who said my writing has improved a lot since last year; it means the world to me when you give me feedback so I know what's good and what I need to improve on.**

 **I changed the title from "Only Because I Love You" to "Heart Made Up On You" in case you hadn't realised, :-)**

 **Thank you again! Hope you have a good morning/night/afternoon/evening wherever you are!**

 **PS YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO MELANIE MARTINE'S ALBUM CRY BABY! IT'S MY FAVOURITE ALBUM AT THE MOMENT TO BE HONEST**


	3. RIP Alisha

Hello all of Alisha's readers,

I am not Alisha, obviously, I am her younger sister, Abby and I regret to inform you all that Alisha sadly passed away at the end of January this year. While we knew that she was recently recovering from depression and had gotten a lot better, her anxiety was so bad that she ended up taking her life.

I will not share the suicide note that she left behind for personal matters, but she did mention how before she began writing 5sos fanfiction on an app called 'Wattpad' that she did write fanfiction on here for her old fandom (the Austin and Ally & R5 fandom) and she wanted us to read it.

My mother and father didn't want to go through her things until a few weeks ago, so her room was just left abandoned, but I found a diary with all her accounts in it- including this one. Thanks to everyone that made her feel loved and read her stories- I'm sure if she was still alive then she would grow up to be an amazing author and mention all of you in her books.

It's been a tough past five months or so, but we are getting through it and I'm sure Alisha is happier in heaven with no stress and worries. I might stay on her account for a while to look through her stuff. I realised when she died that I really didn't know much about my older sister- so I will be looking through her diaries, so I can find out who she really was under all the anxiety and sadness.

Thank you guys so, so much. If you are religious please keep my sister in your prayers. She appreciated all of you. Thank you.

\- Abby x

RIP Alisha.


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